Twenty-three

On this chilly Thursday morning I wake up as the sun is still rising, my father has his appointment at 8:30am today that was rescheduled from this past Tuesday. A two day treatment, we will be back tomorrow again at the same time. From the time I woke up, I already knew it would be a long day ahead for the both of us being as it will take at least 8 hours for today's treatment. I take him to most, if not all, of his doctor visits because he knows very little english -- but enough to get by for the most part. His first language is Vietnamese. I go to make sure the nurses know if there is any specific problems that might arise during his treatment, usually just a mild allergic reaction to the chemo. In the case that my reader does not know, my father has Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. He was diagnosed while I was in high school and my family kept it away from me to protect me until they felt like they could tell me after I graduated.

I didn't know what to expect when I heard the news, at the age of 18 and on my way to Michigan State to live out my first year in college. I was sad to hear that my dad has cancer, but looking back now, I was even more sad that I had to be away from home and him for most of the year.

I would say I got through my first year okay, I didn't have the best grades I wanted but if you knew the thoughts inside my head that year you would think I could have made a better choice staying home. To keep it short, I went through a depression-like state where I struggled with being away from home, and being alone if you don't count my roommate who did in turn become one of my best friends -- even if I did go in blind. He was really part of the reason I didn't go totally insane. I was dealing a few things, being apart from everyone and everything I knew and a relationship with a certain friend. But these things, which may be viewed negatively from a worldly point of view actually brought me to a point where I came to give my life to Christ. I no longer had to struggle with the question of who I am, who I was supposed to be, what my future will look like and anything else that defined me. I had new life (2 Corinthians 5:17). My identity was now found in Jesus since I had given up my old life, (Matthew 10:39), and that was simply enough. I finally found peace and rest in Him and was able to let go of my past worries (Matthew 6).

Fast forward to about 3 years later, I had now moved back to my hometown of Warren, Michigan and attended a college where I could commute from home. Doctor visits and treatments became a routine for dad and I about every 3 or 4 months. Doctors visits, blood work, check-ups, more blood work, treatments and follow ups, in that order.

In the early stages of taking dad to his treatments, it slowly did creep up on me to be concerned for his health which is natural. I didn't talk to anyone about it really, except to my mentor and friend who discipled me, David Marshall and his wife Ruann, too. Both of whom I love dearly. David was the main tool in which God used to bring myself to Christ. To me, David and his wife exemplified what it meant to live a life fully following the Lord and they became great imitators of Jesus inside and out through their careers as teachers and missionaries, even pastoring a church. But getting back to the point, I never really got upset knowing about my dad's health anymore. And this was because I knew that his health was never really in our control in the first place. And for that, I am thankful. Because it was the fact that the Great Physician was in control. Jesus. The creator had been at work long before my father was born, and He had our best interests in mind when he knit us together in our mothers' womb. God doesn't plan anything without a purpose and I believed there was a purpose for everything, even when we don't understand it as mere humans.

I found one of those purposes for my life when I began to share the gospel with my father during one of his treatments. I asked him if he would like to read the bible with me because I brought it to have my quiet time. I found a vietnamese translated version on my phone and we read together as I read in my bible. What could be the big deal about this, you may ask? To understand that, you would first have to know that dad was catholic and still is. But that doesn't make him a bad person, no, not at all. My concern was that he did not have a relationship with the Lord because growing up catholic, I did not even know that there was such a thing. My parents didn't take too well to my being a Christ follower, attending a non-denominational Christian church. In fact, they were furious. But that is an entirely different story on its own. However, through prayer, petition and with thanksgiving (Philippians 4:6-7) I was set on asking God to use me to minister to my parents. And on one specific day, I had to know the big question that was tugging at my heart. Was my dad saved? I had to know because I wanted to be sure that I would see him in God's glorified kingdom after we left this life. So during one of his treatments, after I shared with him the verse of John 3:16 and Ephesians 2:8-9, I asked him if he had given his life to Christ. It took a while to explain what that really meant, because there is nothing we can do to gain salvation but only to accept the gift of God through His Son Jesus which was the sacrificed for our sins on the cross. After thorough explanation, it was revealed to me that he did give his life to Christ and believed that Christ died for his sins so that he could be a right standing relationship with God. I was so relieved and at peace, tears welled up in my eyes.

Ever since then, treatment days mean something different to me because it is a reminder that here in this room with IVs, cookies, coffee, elderly women knitting, people snoring and some conversing and the bags of chemo, and needles... this was where God was at work, as he is everywhere else. He knew the question longing in my heart and He hears my cries, and prayers. He answers. He's real and aches for us to be in relationship with Him. Even through what is viewed as a bad experience, all the disease, cancer, and sitting in a room for 8 hours or more receiving treatment that we don't know if it would save him, I have peace in Christ knowing that whatever happens, it is up to the Lord. And the Lord will not forsake us, not in this life and certainly not in the next in his Kingdom.

And on this day, I find it appropriate that I write this while I spend the next 5 or 6 hours at the cancer with my dad sitting next to me receiving treatment. His health is good, the new medicine he is receiving has been working well and the doctor wants him to continue because it is improving blood counts and decreasing the size of the lymphnodes dramatically almost completely gone. He's not in remission yet, but he's getting there the doc says. And that's certainly something to look forward to and rejoice.

So there is truth in these words when I say, I would rather not spend this day anywhere else than with my dad, being as it is my twenty-third birthday today.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." - Romans 8:18

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." - Romans 8:24-25.